Public Journal

March 30, 2004:

Life

You know death seems pretty good right now. Honestly what do I have to leave for? I have nothing, I have no one to walk with. And probly never will, I'm too messed up mentally for some chick to actually wanna stay with me for that long. My three things are starting to bore me. I have seen any good anime for far too long. I'm selling all my Ravenloft books because I don't use them anymore. And sex well, only one person made me feel safe with my dark side, but she doesn't want me anymore. So sex have become, honestly, dull. What little sex life I do have is with Pursephone and I'm fully clothed. Figure that one out!

On the Road Again

Looks like I'm moving to a new city again Fredricton this time to leave with Magus, hopefully anyway. We'll see what happens.

Closing Thoughts

I wish life really was the world of darkness, and not because there would be Vampires but because this is the year of fire and the world is coming to an end, and I won't have to wait so damned long for the darkness Oh and if you haven't guessed I'm on a down.

March 12, 2004:

Rant

Here we go on a again. You know the more I think about it the I want to do something, and I mean in a bad way. It seems my life just keeps puching my in the direction of the military. I hate how it's the only way of life I really know. So how much can you buy a soul for? I think if I join the military that's just what'll happen. Aside form all the niffty bonuses and benifits, it's still an immoral thing to kill someone or to help someone kill antoher preson. SO FUCK I HATE HAVING TO JOIN THE MILITARY! But I don't have a choice at least Truk whated to be a Ranger. I FUKING DON'T! But I am. why? because they are going to give me 20 grande to look the other way while me or someone else murders someone. They say everyone has a price. I wish I did have one. And you know it wouldn't be so bad if I had someone who was willing to be there with me. Somethat understood me better than I knew me or was at lest will to try. It's really odd I'm a polyamrist and ethical hedenist by choice and thought and all I really want is someone share my life with, get married and maybe even bring kids into this fucked up mess we call life. For that I would sell my soul, if I believed one.

Closing Thoughts:

FUCK YOU! And my whatever god I believe in have mercy on my soul for the men, women and childern I help kill will not.

March 10, 2004:

Rant

You knowthe world is full of reallt strange things, wannabie otaku, liquid meat, cuts that form for no reason. But at least you can just go "meh" and get over it. What really annoies me, what really turns my crank and get me pissed to no exstent is people that think I'm doing this for my owen agenda. Sure I, like everyone else on the planet, do have a personal agenda.TO MAKE ALL MY FRIENDS IN THE INNER CIRCLE HAPPY! and me duh. oh and if you were wondreing what makes you on my ICF, ask these three questions. Have you every fucked me or help me get laid? Do you like anime? and do you roleplay? if you answered yes to all three then there is a 99% chance of you being on my ICF. oh and if you have a nickname, that helps. BUt on to my rant. If your on my ICF stop fucking thinking I'm just in this for me. CAUSE I"M FUCKING NOT! Got that? SO STOP FUCKING THINKING I'M JUST IN IT TO GET SOMETHING OUT OF IT, YOU ASS MUNCHING MOTHERFUCKERS! Do you get it? or do I have to get even more simple with you?

Closing Thoughts:

Thankyou for watching please join us next week when we will be throwing chairs around the room.

March 2, 2004:

Females:

What can I say I need somebody to call my own. Things look up and down. It's life I guess

LARP

What the fuck did Horatio do? Now I gotta try to get him into the Sabbat venue. should be fun.

Work

I got an interview to work in Japan with Nova Group so it looks like I'm going to Japan to teach.

Other Stuff

Your Probley wondering if I got laid for my Birthday or not. NO. Did I get anything for my Birthday? NO. Do I care? Not really

Closing Thoughts:

Maybe iI can get laid by a Japanese chick when I move there.

February 20, 2004:

Females:

What can I say it's been interesting. I've had the closet I'll probly come to a threesome. It was the best time in my life and I will always hold it close to my heart. And no it wasn't with Bekki though I wish it was. She is one of the few people in my life that I would like to have with me on my journey as it were. But meh, I still need a woman.

LARP

Things are going good my char is senchal of moncton, basically second in command. Caine should be interesting this year I hope I can go. Money is a bight tight

Work

I need a job very soon. I've ran out of money. Soon it's goging to get really bad. I'm going to put my resume in with "the Parlor". I'm going to get the job I am just damn good at computers.

Other Stuff

My birthday is coming up in a few days. It's going to just be another day. No party, no persents, no sex. Just a waste of time to even rememeber. But we'll see. I'll tell you what happens if anything does.

Closing Thoughts:

I'm sooooo bord and horny but than again when am I not.

July 23,2003:

Females:

I'll give Bekki this much she has managed to do something few people can. She got my emotions fellowing, even if they are feelings of depression. It's been a very long time since anyone has done that, just goes to show you my heart it's dead after all. here's what she said "i have found someone that i want to have a serious relationship with" (ain't icq logging great) talk about a slap in my face. what marriage and kids isn't serious enough? ok so I'll admit that kids is not really something she wasn't right now in her life, but I'm patient I would have waited. Anyways. Now my timer has started I've got until Tuesday to working things out in my head or kill myself. ok I know that sounds a bight melodramatic but whatever. I've had off and on feelings to that effect all my life and I always give it a week or maybe i should just check into a ward or something. i hope she lives a happy life with no regrets.

Closing Thoughts:

I leave you with a quato from Mettalica's Fade to Black. "I have lost the will to live.... there is nothing more for me"

July 22,2003:

Work related:

Fuck I hate McD's, everyone there can go to hell. They owe me 64 hours in back pay and once I get it I'm quiting.

Females:

Laura and I broke up a few months back. And I started dated Bekki talk about my perfect mate. Right out look on like into anime, rpg (somewhat), great in bed, sexy body. She's fun to bed with and for once in my life I was at peace. I use the word was because for some reason she broke up with me. can't figure out why. Meh women. She says we can still be friends, now if I remeber correctly, in the female language, that means she never wants to see me again. Life sucks then you die. Yeah well it's taking to long!

Computer

Oh I'm finally getting a scanner/printer it should be fun.

Camarilla

I'm the new DST of Moncton. Oh and my Brujah's derangment has fully taken over.

Closing thoughts

Life sucks then you death, so get laid whenever you can. you never know when the last time will be the last time.

March 17,2003:

Work related:

I've been looking for better work than McD's. Hopefully i'll get somthing in April

Females:

Laura and I... well i don't really get our relationship. she's fun, a bight opressed about sex but still fun. it's odd i have no idea what to do. we don't talk as much as we used to and even less on the phone. it's like our relationship is slowly fading away. which by the way i don't want to happen, but what can i do. i've done everything i can do. the ball is in her court now, as it were.

Computer

Did i tell you how much i "love" WinXP. in case you don't know WINXP SUCKS! the second i find a p2p program for linux i'm putting xp were it should be. the toilet. STUPID FUCKING PEICE OF SHIT!

Camarilla

Well Henry died. he was killed by his sire. but henry will be back oh yes, henry WILL be back. oh and for my never char. a brujah university prof. i'm trying to make him a true brujah (not getting any celerity), but i dout i'll get it well not in less than five years anyways. before i forget march 18 - 25 i'm going to this conclave in London ont. it should be lots of fun. tell you more when i get back.

Closing thoughts

Life sucks then you death, so get laid whenever you can. you never know when the last time will be the last time.

September 13, 2002

Life

I'm going to join the military or at lest try. the physical will be the hard part waht with my marfans and all. but hey why not? i know what i'm getting myself into having lived in a military family all my life. oh and I'm going officer in the Air force, hopefull communications or logistics.

Females

Littlepinkrockstar69 got a little jelous about me not putting her in my journal but putting all those other fems in it. see she's the one i'm gonna marry one day. we've talked about it and put in on the back burner for now cause well we've never met face to face. so we'll wait and see.

movie reviews

Lengend: that was a great movie. a bit dated but still good. it's the movie that turned me on to the gothic subculture. the first time i saw it i thought she looked so beautiful in that gown of darkness and that makeup. i still think it's the most beautiful thing i've seen.

September 3,2002

Sweet

this probly should go into work related or even McD12 but i promised Sweet that i'd give her her own section in my journal for what she did. it all started with a bang. and there i was cleaning vats, in my own little world, when BANG. i got to see what was going on and the was Sweet covered in bar cloth fibers. she was cleaning the McFlurry streaning thing and she turned it on, as she always does to clean it. when it gets caught on it. the bar cloth just desintagerates with the fibers going verywhere. it really messed with her head, you could a combination of fear, shame, shock, embaressment, and a dash of other stuck emtions. i don't think i've ever seen her looking sexier. :p

work realated

Speaking of things at work. i had to do the grills well the clam grill anyways (man that takes a long time to do) and i got 2nd degree burns on my left hand basically it blistered, so that wasn't fun :(. it was still a good night at work.

other stuff

after much thought i've decsided to give furc it's own section in my journal enteries so now anything that happens there will be put there instead of spreading it out.

September 2, 2002:

Females

i met up with Memorian Blake Silver the other day, we talked things out. it seems the guy is was after freaked out when he found out when he found out she liked him. is it just me or does it seem like she just setaling for me cause she can't gt the one she wants? oh had she owens slaves on furc but she has no idea how that works. someone else i've been flirting with, Yoshirata, also goes to the slave pens. i found that out by accident. and she turned me down flat when i asked her to be my mate on furc (yiff partner), she just wants to get to know me better.

Work

first over night since 24hr's stopped, not much different just now my social life dropped form 0 to nil

August 31,2002:

Females

AHHHH Is it just me or are women just insane? sure i'm one of the first people to complain that people take furcadia way to seriously, even though i'm fully aware that i do it myself at times. but DAMN IT WOMAN, if you don't want to yiff then don't take off your close and never "playfully swat at my nose" when you don't want me to go down on you. you're just flirting and indecating that you want me to. I'm talking to you Memorian Blake Silver. a massage on it's owen is just that but when you start kissing, your moving onto yiffing. so you shoud have stopped then not after i started to lick, suck and nibble on your breasts and nipples and certainly not after i started to go down on you. having said that it was my fault for seducing you. so, i'm sorry.

August 30,2002:

Work related

First entry cool. Here's me resent history. Haven't sleeped for a week (sort of). I go home at 0700h, get a shower go to bed then wake up at like 1130h then I can't get back to sleep unitl 1700-1800h. I gotta get up at 2100h to get ready for work with starts at 2200h. Yes I work overnights. I gotta speak to D1 about my hours amoung other things.

Females:

I've been meeting some really interesting ones online spefically JunkieBum, Evil Artic Furre, and Shana. All furres/anthromophs(for those of you who don't like the label furre cause it's to Kawaii). And I saw E1, I think that's how it was, out of uniform wearing this jean-over-alls and a male looking shirt with a colar with she had a bit open. I've got one thing to say about that HOOOOOOOT :P' *wipes the droll away*. As a final note on the subject of females, I NEED A GIRLFRIEND, or at least a lover or a one night stand just something, ANYTHING. 3 years and counting :( .

Computer

I've been trying to get Apache to work on WinXP but i get an error about not being able to bind my ip and port cause is being used me something else (which it's not). FUCK!!!,I HATE WINXP. i'm gonna buy a dreamcast so i can use it for an apache server when i find one and have the money to buy one(i'm not gonna spend anymore than $20 on it). And i fixed an error on my webpage, now it should loadup my links just fine.

Everything else

There's not much else to say. oh because i've not been able to get to sleep and i don't have cable i've start to watch Road to Avonlee, cool series actually. i recomend watching.

Closing thoughts

I need a woman and sleep, in which ever order i can get them. Course if i get a woman first i'm sure she could find a way to wear me out :D